Not the norm for me but thought i’d scribble about it anyway! I rarely go to the barbers, ok i get my hair cut but I’m pretty handy once equipped with a sheers and a mirror (who isn’t). So i bail off a meeting early today and am doin’ some out of office work and i see there’s a new barbers in Swords with a bit sign in the window “6 Euro Monday & Tuesdays”. I’m like ‘ok – quids in’.
In i walk to find Selma Hayek and what looked to be her equally hot mother pottering away so i park my bum and wonder did i bring a bunch of sweaty 1 dollar bills, cause it smells like that kinda place! They are stunning, not big on conversation it would seem and are eastern european. Never one for talking so it so far so good. (hope i get the daughter)
So the younger cindy crawford beckons me to the chair so im delighted.
“What would youuuu laiick ser?”
And knowing full well i can’t use any of my razzle dazzle one liners i settle for a :
“4 back and sides please..”
But thank god as i barely managed to spit out that!
Now i let her go to work and to be honest i thought up a certain point she was doing a really shit job but i didn’t care as there was a lot of scalp massaging etc going on. Idle conversation about the weather is out so i sit back and enjoy, well mostly just stare at the floor as much as i know i’ve gone a bit red in the cheeks.
Coming to the finishing parts now and shes trimming the side burns and i’m imagining her hoovering naked when all of a sudden shes rubbing behind both my ears at the same time and im like
“niiiiceeeee”
To remove the hair from around my ears she ACTUALLY leaned over and blew in my ear, shame i twitched a bit erratically so it probably appeared like i was gonna head butt her so she only did the one ear.
What followed was a lot of bending over and underwear revealing that no one wants to hear about, but here i am sitting thinkin’
“Do i actually give a shit about how my hair looks right now?”
Truth. Nope.
I’m feeling used and thirsty from all the slober thats run down my front. So it’s time to leave and i just hand her my wallet and say “Whatever just take what you think is right..”
“Gooood bye surrr”
And like that i’m kicked onto a windy nippy swords main street feeling violated but strangely smirky!
Onto the gym and i’m reassured when Mrs Ben rubs the new addition and proclaims,
“Oh thats a real nice cut”
Like i know what that means! But we’re on the treadmill and im telling her the details and she’s throwing me the stiff one. And all that’s going through my head is …
“I wonder how much it is to get a wash, blow dry, cut and whatever else…”
But I didn’t. I’m not That stupid.
