Now i wouldn’t usually do this and maybe its the old grumpy bastard but i sincerely hope everyone who goes to Oxegen 2008 gets pissed on from a height

A lifetime ago I went to Witnness Festival in god knows where and it poured rain for the whole of the first day, the second day in my wrecked jeans (before it was fashion to have wrecked jeans) and borrowed tee from AlanMack i staggered around after completely making a disaster of myself at the free Guinness tent. I was completely abandoned by the crew with some stranger in the Guinness Compliments tent who had some allergy to wheat or some jazz so i bagged his free pints and he seemed to follow me around for the remainder of the day like a loyal puppy!

Fun times. Happy times. Times not to be rememberd.

Nice biscuit – TICK
Hot scaulding mug of tea – TICK
Few minutes to enjoy both – TICK

Everythings looking up! Only euro a pop, these are my secret stash biscuits i came across last night which was  a god send as it ment i did not have to dip 4 kinda stale looking Jacob’s cream crackers into my tea!

First dunk of the biscuit and just as i was letting it linger as i was momentarily distracted by Irish Flirty Something’s last post and splosh kerplunk! RUINED! Do not under any circumstances dunk these biscuits into your tea, you are setting yourself up for anger, prolonged anguish and possibly tears.

I know what you’ll be thinkin, ‘god if this is all you have to worry about today’ etc etc and all that jazz well to be honest with you i’ve 101 things bubbling away but this just literally took the. . .well ya know where im going with that!

Just announced at the recent Bannana convention on Tuesday is the latest innovation in the way people not only WILL communicate in the future but it will be NECESSARY to communicate. Ladies and Gentlemen without further ado i give you the “POS* v2.0” (PieceOfString).

The much talked about and awaited launch took place amongst a lot of tech rumours, with various mythical whispers coming from the communications industry big-wigs:-

“We see the launch of “POS” as a landmark in telecommunications, I haven’t seen as much justified excitement since our prehistoric brethren danced around the first flames. Am I excited? Am I f**k!!”

- Pat Phelan – Max Roam / TwitterFone / General Sound Bloke

On the edge of people’s lips was the specification of this revoloutionary piece of kit. People were easily dismayed at the structural design of “POS V1.0” with it’s cheap-feel plastic texture, some would nearly compare with that of a yohgurt container, not durable, now is a sleek metalic finish which is designed for durability and even better data retention! Given a slick chrome finish that will turn heads the POS v2.0 is dripping in features that will leave your open sores aching as to how you lived your life with out it! There are two models, the single-way broadcast (one string) and the dual-band

Included in “POS v2.0” is greater connectivity (bigger cans), now improved range of coverage (longer string than v1.0) and now with ground breaking technology there will be included new social media gadgetry in the form of HyfBUD (HowsYourFatherBuddy), the gripping edge in social media networking, enabling Global Positioning giving the power the user the power to enable the power of the when, the where and never asking why!

“POS v2.0 is capitvating in the sense that it has taken everything by storm and captivates the user into capturing real life. It will really assist your social networking in instances when you’re say stuck in an airport or I dunno queing in a bank, or in the bank managers office. Or capitvating some young philly at a party. Once I get this bank loan HyfBud is gonna be your only man”

- Paul F Walsh – CEO PHD MDA MUFC HyfBUD Tech Inc. Segalalalala Ltd Inc. Plc.

My verdict:
We’ve seen what POS v1.0 has brought to the table, if you think you’re ready, if you think the world is ready (to know where you are at ALL times) well then “POS v2.0” certainly knows the who, the what AND the why, the only thing we don’t know is the price! For that? There’s always this!

But don’t take my word for it, I will leave the last word up to the people who know what they are talking about!

And for everything else there’s This , This and This and of course you don’t want to for forget This.

 *POS does in no terms stand for Piece Of Shit – it means Piece of String, weren’t you reading.

No sadly nothing to do with alcohol. Sensible Units is a site that will convert any distance you input and give you something relative to compare it to!

1 Mile = 32 Olympic swimming pools.

6 Inches = 3.0 AA batteries end to end. (eh which ones are the AA’s…)

The distance you would walk to be the guy to fall down at her door = 16 Channel Tunnels.

This site is exciting for all of 4.26 minutes but worth a click of a boring Friday afternoon in the office.

Link

One of the most important questions asked while organising or booking a holiday in any part of the world these days is

“Will i get Aids in this country?”

And a close second to that would be, ‘How much is it going to cost me to get completely trollied off my face’? Well someone on the wide expansys of the interweb has heard your calling and has put together a site that collects the prices of your average pint in various countries around the world.

Pint Price is a database of World Beer Prices. Use this site to find the best watering nation. Pint Price has also been described as an important economic iindicator… Help us complete the beer price database!

Good in theory you might say but what it actually is is a walter mitty’s guide to acting like shane mcgowan in a meth clinic, bottom line , a fucking disgrace!

The price of a pint in Ireland varies drastically from 1.85 euros to over a tenner. . horse flaps and toffee tosh is what i say to that! A nice idea, a nice site, just abused.

Link

This is very similar to Rick’s Post Secret but some of them are a good read! One of my fave’s

When I was 5 or so my mom would tell me to lie down before she tied my tie and I just now realized at the age of 19 that she did this because she’s a funeral director.

FREAKY.

but true . .

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Isn’t it funny what passes for Art these days? One man’s Picasso is another man’s etch-a-sketch. This would be cool if it came in greater detail for towns in cities, then you could put a mark on it where you live, so when you head out on the complete batter there would be no excuse for the taxi man (i guess i should say taxi person now huh) leaving you miles from home on a Sunday morning.

“Oh did you say Swords? I thought you said Rathmines, funny that!!!”

Link

Your out of town on business, enjoying a city break when your home is ransacked and some certain valuable items are stolen, say a few horse saddles? How would you think the culprit would avoid detection at the scene?

1. Wear gloves?
2. Ski Mask?
3. Post an internet classified advert asking other people to ransack the place?

BING CORRECT ANSWER!!

Brandon and Amber Herbert were nabbed last night for allegedly posting the March 22 Craigslist ad, which claimed that the Jacksonville ranch’s owner had to leave town so suddenly that his belongings–which included a horse–were available for the taking. The Herberts, investigators charge, did this to cover up their prior theft of several saddles and other items from the garage of the rural southern Oregon house, which is owned by contractor Robert Salisbury.

You have to stop and admire they way some people think sometimes. What brilliance! If it hadn’t been for the muppets posting the advert from a home computer with a completely traceable IP address this would even have left Columbo scratching his head. .

Link

Check out the youtube page and the related videos. This guy has whipped a loada films down to 5 seconds.

This could either be a scene from your worst nightmare OR a wet dream!

Highway 401 in Mississaugua (Canada, I believe) was closed on May 11, 2005 after an accident that spilled 2,184 cases of Grolsch beer. A woman driving a car, swerved out of her lane and into the path of a Molson beer truck, causing the truck to roll over and the car to flip. One officer described the scene as “a sea of beer”. The woman’s life was most likely saved by her seatbelt and airbag. The beer was a gonner.

Turns out there is a dispute over where the spillage occured with the site receiving a lot of mail stating the spill took place in the Netherlands. Either way which ever way you look at it , it’s a complete . . .

FAIL

Unless you’re this guy. .

Link