HairyFish

There are some people out there who like things to be small so it gives them the illusion of them being really really ridiculously giant-like but i don’t know if there’s a condition for this. You would feel like a complete borrower for using this to play Mario Kart.

Nice if you wanted to include your other half in your hours of mind numbing gaming, but i’m sure it would only lead to worse domestics over failing to ‘engage the fire button on time’ etc

On the other hand you could just get a fuckin

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What? Your art teacher never told you that it was possible to create a real life transformer with some blu-tack and some cornflakes boxes?

Ever thought of arranging your common garden type barbie doll into a Road Traffic Accident gore scene? How about a swingers party gone wrong? With blood splatter a plenty this is a silly crazy fresh idea and i like it. What that says about me. . . Eh pay him a visit and enjoy . . I would say NSFW but that depends on where you work . . your call . .

This guy officially has far too much time on his hands.

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Safety tat is a waste of time that just feeds on people’s fear of getting their child kidnapped in a Madeline McCann scenario.

SafetyTat is a fun and colorful kids temporary safety tattoo that’s uniquely personalized with your cell phone number. When applied to the arm of your child or loved one, SafetyTat provides an immediate, highly visible form of identification that stays in place even when wet and lasts for days.

I received a phone call from my son’s school camp this morning. “Mrs. H, I was just about to serve your son lunch and I see a tattoo on his arm that says he’s allergic to nuts.” This was shocking to me, as I had explained, in person, in notes and phone calls prior to this trip that my son is severly allertic to nuts and must only have the food I pack for him.

I have to say i’d be more worried about the shithole camp you sent your son to that they don’t listen to you basic ‘keep my son alive’ request! Nothing like good ol fear to earn your yankee dollar on. Gone is the day you would get lost in a crowd, shit yourself and cry for hours. Now it’s ok that someone will come to your aid and oogle yer arm for your slightly hot soccer mom’s mobile number. FTW

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It is with great shame and my head hanging low that I introduce you to the lower back tattoo for kids. Yes kids. Available from a vending machine in Toys R’ US for 50 cents you can have your young darling looking like a darling uber 90′s blue movie star.

Lower back tattoos are 50 cents each, tucked in between the Hannah Montana stickers and the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse stickers. You can choose a butterfly, roses, a fairy, or other tasteful designs.

‘Tasteful’ eh

I know one thing we should be encouraging young children to do is drink alcohol, smoke, get tattoo’s and then give out when they actually go and do it. Go figure.

Tramp Stamp

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So you’ve read the few books, chatted with your friends over opinions about style of writing etc. You’ve even tried to write to get in touch with the writer. What would be the next step? Now bear in mind it’s 1944 and there’s a World War taking place. Yup, the most extreme case of celebrity stalking, well not quite stalking when you kill them is it? IS IT?

A German fighter ace has just learned that one of his 28 wartime ‘kills’ was his favourite author.

Messerschmidt pilot Horst Rippert, 88, said he would have held his fire if he had known the man flying the Lightning fighter was renowned French novelist Antoine de Saint-Exupery

FAIL.

Understandably it’s kill or be killed but the guy feels so sorry that in looking back if he had of known it was one of his favourite authors he would gladly not have fired on the enemies plane. Maybe its a bit of an odd streak in me but soon as that war time / rules of engagement bell goes im bleming everyone in sight!

“I am shocked and sorry,” the ex-Luftwaffe pilot said yesterday. “Who knows what other great books he would have gone on to write?”

Eh would you give a tuppony shit? You’d be brown bread my friend! Simple as!

Begs the question what authors / artists would you pray to be able to shoot / bomb / slice n dice?

My top 5 would be:-

1. J. R. R. Tolkien – Lord of the Rings. Too much walking involved.
2. Paul Williams – Sunday World Crime Journalist – Smug smug smug.
3. Peig Sayers – Look at you on your ‘mwaiicikle’ – Old Biddy

Ok ok i know its only 3 but i don’t read a lot. . . .

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